So how long?

So I have a very serious question after watching the trump cabinet meeting.

I’ll warn you here, this is satire and not nicely worded cuss words and shit below.

The Cabinet That Tasted Balls

I watched Trump’s cabinet meeting last week. Sat there, jaw slowly unhinging, not out of surprise, but out of secondhand shame. Because here’s the one thing I kept asking myself:

How long does it take to get the taste of his balls out of your mouth?

Serious question.

I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been an ass-kissing, tea-bag-receiving type. Not my thing. Not my sexuality. And even if it was? Still wouldn’t sign up for that. But watching this spectacle of sycophantic gagging, I started to wonder maybe kissing his ass comes with a side of tiny orange grapes.

Maybe I’m assuming too much.
But honestly? Probably not.

Let’s start with JD Vance, the man formerly known as “I have principles.”

He said this:

“The Americans want you to be president because of your agenda, and the courts are ruling that you have the authority to determine how the money is spent.”

Oh yes, JD. We want him president because of the agenda. Let me walk you through that.

Your guy promised lower prices, more security, and unicorns that shit gold. What we got? Skyrocketing costs, daily chaos, and a country bleeding credibility faster than Elon bleeds cash at Twitter. You’re full of shit and you know it. And the American people? We smell it from space.

So JD you said that on April 10. It’s now the 14th. Be honest: is the taste still lingering? Did it fade after some mouthwash? Or are you still carrying the full essence of the Führer on your tongue?

Next up, Elon “I’m Too Rich to Be Sane” Musk.

His comment wasn’t praise. It was devotion. The kind of thing you say when you’re hoping for a presidential pardon before the SEC finds the bodies.

“Thank you, Mr. President, for appointing us. Father God, thank you for anointing us to do this job.”

Now Elon are you calling Trump “Father God”? If so, what the actual fuck. And if not, maybe don’t blurt that out during a cabinet meeting like you’re about to found a new religion with a gold-plated toilet seat for an altar.

Also, real talk. Did the flavor of Trump’s ass fade, or did you nuke your tongue with ketamine and Red Bull? Maybe lay off key bumping Meth at the White House?

And then there’s Pam Bondi.

The law-and-order queen who sounds like she’s got a pair of political testicles permanently lodged in her throat.

“You were overwhelmingly elected by the biggest majority…”

Pam. Sweet Pam. No one in America understands a damn thing you say anymore. We thought it was marbles. Turns out it’s just presidential sack. Remove it, rinse your mouth, and try again.

And finally, the creep king himself Howard “Please Validate Me” Lutnick.

He said:

“They have come with offers they never, ever, ever would have come with but for the moves that the President has made…”

Ah yes. The invisible nations. The magical trade partners. The penguins in the Falklands who suddenly remembered we exist.

Howard, buddy, your fantasy world smells like Axe body spray and desperation. No one's calling. They’re avoiding eye contact. And you? You’ve been stuck in the front row of a nut buffet since 2016.

---

Honestly, I had to stop here. Just writing this left a phantom taste in my mouth that’s hard to shake. But if any cabinet member wants to chime in, feel free to leave a comment. Let me know how long does the taste of Mein Führer’s balls last? And if it’s not your flavor? Come on down to Texas.

I’d be happy to slap the taste out of your lying mouths.